- Relationship Advice from Over 1, Happily Married Couples
- A home for paediatricians. A voice for children and youth.
- 2. What are the advantages of Family Mediation?
- "What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced"
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Executors are the people who deal with distributing your estate after you've died. Being an executor can involve a lot of work and responsibility, so consider the people you appoint carefully. Find out more about the role of an executor. You must sign your will in the presence of independent witnesses for it to be valid. Find out more below. Leave your will with a solicitor, bank, safely stored at home or with the Probate Service. You must let your executors know where your will is kept. The beginning of the will should state that it revokes all others.
If you have an earlier will, you should destroy it. You must sign your will in the presence of two independent witnesses, who must also sign it in your presence — so all three people should be in the room together when each one signs. If the will is signed incorrectly, it is not valid. Beneficiaries of the will, their spouses or civil partners shouldn't act as witnesses, or they lose their right to the inheritance. Beneficiaries shouldn't even be present in the room when the will is signed.
Making a will if you have an illness or dementia. Any will signed on your behalf must contain a clause saying you understood the contents of the will before it was signed. If you have a serious illness or a diagnosis of dementia, you can still make a will, but you need to have the mental capacity to make sure it is valid. You should review your will every five years and after any major change in your life such as a new grandchild or moving house.
Never make alterations on the original document. Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.
Was each unhappy family unhappy in its own way, as Tolstoy claimed, or did the miserable marriages all share something toxic in common?
Relationship Advice from Over 1, Happily Married Couples
Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers. For the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. I recently had the chance to interview Gottman and his wife Julie, also a psychologist, in New York City. Together, the renowned experts on marital stability run The Gottman Institute, which is devoted to helping couples build and maintain loving, healthy relationships based on scientific studies.
Gottman and Levenson brought newlyweds into the lab and watched them interact with each other. With a team of researchers, they hooked the couples up to electrodes and asked the couples to speak about their relationship, like how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and a positive memory they had. As they spoke, the electrodes measured the subjects' blood flow, heart rates, and how much they sweat they produced. Then the researchers sent the couples home and followed up with them six years later to see if they were still together.
From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: the masters and the disasters. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages. When the researchers analyzed the data they gathered on the couples, they saw clear differences between the masters and disasters.
The disasters looked calm during the interviews, but their physiology, measured by the electrodes, told a different story. Their heart rates were quick, their sweat glands were active, and their blood flow was fast. Following thousands of couples longitudinally, Gottman found that the more physiologically active the couples were in the lab, the quicker their relationships deteriorated over time.kinun-mobile.com/wp-content/2020-06-20/witeq-top-cell.php
A home for paediatricians. A voice for children and youth.
But what does physiology have to do with anything? The problem was that the disasters showed all the signs of arousal—of being in fight-or-flight mode—in their relationships. Having a conversation sitting next to their spouse was, to their bodies, like facing off with a saber-toothed tiger.
Even when they were talking about pleasant or mundane facets of their relationships, they were prepared to attack and be attacked. This sent their heart rates soaring and made them more aggressive toward each other. The masters, by contrast, showed low physiological arousal. They felt calm and connected together, which translated into warm and affectionate behavior, even when they fought.
Gottman wanted to know more about how the masters created that culture of love and intimacy, and how the disasters squashed it. In a follow-up study in , he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus to look like a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat.
He invited newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study—one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish.
2. What are the advantages of Family Mediation?
Mediation is an effective way to resolve conflict and an alternative to litigation alone. Parents who seek mediation are often better able to co-parent, resolve conflict and stay actively involved compared with parents who seek litigation alone. Preventive interventions have shown positive outcomes for social and emotional adjustment, school engagement, and reducing anxiety and physical complaints. Positive messaging empowers parents, helping them to understand what aspects they control and what they do not.
An intervention can re-emphasize the benefits of quality parenting and positively reinforce parent—child relationships.
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The feelings and emotions surrounding a separation are often complex and difficult for parents to mediate due to their own levels of stress, emotional turmoil, hostility and sense of loss. The stress of separation or divorce may cause changes in sleep patterns, appetite and lifestyle, which can result in physical changes and decrease general health. Children whose parents effectively share joint custody tend to be better adjusted after separation or divorce than children with one custodial parent.
The period of separation or divorce is marked by confusion, disorganization, stress and conflict. There are many factors involved, and many different plans and decisions can work well. Three major areas of concern have been raised by researchers and need to be considered when supporting young children of separating parents: the direct effects of parental conflict and violence;   the effects of diminished quality in parenting;    and the effects of repeated separations between the infant and primary attachment figures.
The developmental stage and temperament of each child needs to be considered.
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Attachment to a parent usually starts to develop at a cognitive age of seven to nine months. Infants, toddlers and preschool children develop attachments as their primary caregivers respond to their needs in a consistent and sensitive way. They do best with predictable schedules and responsive parenting that takes their individual temperaments into account. Frequent access to both parents helps them to build a memory of the absent parent and supports parental cooperation around feeding, sleep and other daily routines.
Children younger than five years of age need special consideration, given the developmental vulnerability related to rapid physical, cognitive, language, social and emotional growth in this period. The years between birth and five years of age are also the period of peak attachment formation. Repeated or prolonged separation from a primary attachment figure because of shared-time parenting may compromise attachment formation and consolidation if the baby or young child does not have a consistent, reliable experience with either parent.
"What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced"
Consistent, warm and responsive care is important for infants and young children. The loss of patience and emotional energy decreases parenting sensitivity and can lead to harsher styles of discipline. They are prone to loyalty conflicts and may take sides. Children at this age are learning right from wrong and have a strong desire to belong to a peer group.
It is important for both parents to maintain respectful, businesslike behaviour and keep children out of parental conflicts.